Sexual abuse: Victim shares signs parents can look out for

Updated Jan. 25, 2023, 3:46 p.m. | By Poelano Malema

"It's always hard to speak about sexual abuse."

Researchers have found that at least one in six men have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whether in childhood or as adults, states the 1in6 organisation.

These stats are reportedly lower than the actual figures because not all victims report the crime.

Sammy Mothiba, a 32-year-old who gained popularity after becoming a finalist on 'SA's Got Talent' in 2012, says opening up about sexual abuse is not easy, especially for males.

"It's always hard to speak about sexual abuse," says Sammy, but he adds that "for men it's even worse".

The singer and entertainer says this is because of the stigma that exists in society.

He says male victims of sexual abuse are "stigmatised to be weak" and given labels such as "you are less than a man" when they talk about the ordeal.

READ: Famous South African actor Sonia Mbele responds to abuse allegations against her son

Signs to look out for

Mothiba, who is from Limpopo, believes many men keep sexual harassment as a secret but might start to act out to show that they have witnessed something traumatic. Not only do some turn out to be abusers themselves, some might be aggressive or violent.

He gives his own experience: "I wouldn't allow any males to touch me. I'd put on a fight and become violent. Abuse creates this unnecessary defence mechanism in victims. Even if a person teases you, you might become very defensive."

Other signs might include emotional or behaviour changes, anxiety, depression, choosing to be isolated, no longer showing interest in things they used to love, nightmares or bedwetting, acting scared, complaining of physical pain or showing anger.

Some victims might show loss of sexual interest, states South African Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse.

The site states that other males might "display behaviour that manifest themselves in sexual addictions such as looking at pornography, promiscuity, and extreme fetishism, not arousing interest before the abuse."

READ: Learn the warning signs of elderly abuse and how to report it

Helping a child who is a victim

Sammy says parents need to be sensitive about how they handle the issue when they find out that their child is a victim of sexual abuse.

"Because women abuse is so common, many young girls and women have been empowered to deal with abuse, but when it comes to boys and men, it is not always the case," says Sammy.

"There must be sensitivity with dealing with abuse, especially for a boy child."

Not only is it difficult to open up, but boy children might be afraid of whether their parents would believe them.

He warns that parents must not go public about their children being victims of abuse unless they are sure that the child is comfortable and is what he wants.

"If the parent chooses to disclose this without the victim's consent, he may feel vulnerable and fear stigma and judgment from society," says Sammy.

He says going public too quickly might "put unnecessary pressure on children and make matters worse. It might lead to some even feeling suicidal."

Dealing with the aftermath of the abuse

Sammy says counselling is very important and it will help both the victims and parents know how to deal with the abuse.

The 32-year-old says counselling helped him and that is why he advocates for it.

The survivor says his experience has led to him coming up with an initiative to help males who are victims of abuse.

His campaign, #IMatterToo, is aimed at raising awareness about the abuse males go through.

"I want people to talk, I want men to talk, I am here to listen and share my experience with you to beat the bitterness and anger," says Sammy.

"You can't die silently. You need to know that talking is not a weakness but boldness. You can still not talk to the media but through professionals and people who went through the same experience to help yourself," he concludes.