Nick Cannon on why his late son did not go through chemotherapy
"I couldn't imagine that on a newborn and what that would do."
It's been over a year since Nick Cannon lost his son Zen to cancer.
Zen passed away on December 5 due to a brain tumour. He was five months old at the time.
The actor says although doctors suggested for his son to go through chemotherapy to treat his condition, he couldn't allow it.
Cannon, who has undergone chemo before, says he knew it would rob his son's quality of life.
"They pretty much told me that best case scenario, your son could live to 3 or 4 years old. So instantly when I heard that, I thought, quality of life. I wanted him to have the best existence he could have," said Cannon, according to People.
Because of the experience he had while undergoing chemo to treat lupus, the comedian says he knew how chemo would suck everything out of his son's life and rob him of a good exit in life.
"Seeing your son hooked up to all of those machines—and he had to go for a shunt two or three times, and that was heartbreaking every time—even in that short amount of time, I couldn't imagine him having to go through chemo.
"I knew how as a full grown man, that process. I wouldn't even call it pain. It just sucked everything out of you. I couldn't imagine that on a newborn and what that would do," he added.
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Cannon says chemo was going to cause his son to "live in the hospital" if they chose to move forward with the treatment. "He would have never gone home," said Cannon.
Talking about how his son's death affected him, Cannon said it has been a tough journey.
The 42-year-old said the day his son died was the most painful day of his life.
"Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken. Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred. Such a painful anniversary," he wrote on Instagram.
He added that he will never get over losing his son.
"Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily. I am far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question, but anyone who knows me knows my heart. I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth," he wrote.
The actor went on to ask for prayers.
"I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don’t waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now," he wrote.
See the post below.
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Image courtesy of Instagram.