The apology

So there's no ambiguity about what he's asking you to do and what he expects in return. Once you comply, we continue our playtime like nothing ever happened to upset him. Done. Finish and klaar. If only it worked like that in the grown-up world. 

Then there's the timing issue…My son will have you know that you must apologise immediately.  But oh dear...what to make of a late apology? Can it ever be too late? Depends on the recipient of course.  

In Adriaan Vlok's particular case - an apology decades later? Twitter was abuzz with opinions on the former Apartheid minister's apology to the Mbeki family. 

Vlok spoke to JacarandaFM News afterwards and said: "Personally I have never hurt them (the Mbekis) during my time as a minister. Fact of the matter is, I was actively involved in Apartheid and in enforcing Apartheid and this has hurt them deeply…"  

He qualifies his apology… it makes a huge difference I think- admitting to knowing exactly how your actions caused harm. It's the way toddlers teach us but we choose to forget many a time. 

When it comes to the offended/aggrieved/violated/hurt party - what is an apology if not accepted? Void of all meaning. It says a lot about the Mbeki family that they welcomed Vlok into their space. 

Moeletsi Mbeki shook hands with him afterwards....and as JacarandaFM News reported later, they then parted ways. 

Moeletsi Mbeki declined to comment, saying this was Vlok's initiative. And maybe it was a way for the elderly Vlok to sleep easier at night, to ease his mind. And maybe it's just a big lesson for all of us as South Africans, to forgive, move on...but never forget.  

(Written by Faith Daniels, Head of News: Kagiso Media)

(File photo: Gallo Images)