Seven lessons for my son - Rozanne Mckenzie
I became a mother in April this year and my son James has changed my life in so many ways. There are so many values I want to instill in him to so that we will become a well-rounded human being and an asset to society.
The issue of abuse of women and children has always been close to my heart and I’d like to make James aware of it and I hope that he will be the kind of person to campaign to rid us of the scourge of abuse.
I believe it all boils down to respect for yourself and your fellow human beings. I think there are many fundamental things that I can teach him as his mother to get him on the right track:
1. In our home, Chris and I have already created an atmosphere of equality. There are no designated “mom” and “dad” tasks. We both do everything, so from the get-go, James is aware that men and women are equal and that no one should be considered inferior based on the reproductive organs they were born with.
2. By the time he gets to school this should be so much a part of who he is that the whole #LikeAGirl issue that often comes up on the playground should be easy to address. He will know that the little girls in his class are every bit as capable of doing anything that he can do. Also, boys are often told to “man up”, something that I also won’t be perpetuating with James. He will know that it’s ok to cry when he’s upset and it’s ok to talk about how he’s feeling.
3. Peer pressure plays a big role in how boys interact with girls and often the pressure of trying to fit leads to boys picking on girls at school. This is a form of abuse in itself. I want my son to be empathetic enough to put himself in the shoes of the person being picked on and be able to see that it’s wrong and say something about it.
4. Whistling and catcalling women is never acceptable. There is nothing flattering about it. I have been in situations like these countless times and it’s horrible and demeaning. James will know that this is harassment and not something to be done. Ever. No matter how attractive you may think a woman is.
5. Consent is not negotiable. That is such an important lesson for a mother to teach her son. A “NO” is a “NO”. There is never a question of how much he/she had to drink, or whether they actually “mean it” or what they were wearing. If you hear the word no in a sexual situation, that’s exactly what it means.
6. Abuse takes many forms and the worse part of it is not having anyone to tell. I want him to grow up to be the kind of person people can turn to if they are going through anything. I also want to be the kind of parent that he knows he can come to if anything should happen to him.
7. Be kind at all times, even if it is the unpopular thing to do. This fits in with what I said earlier about peer pressure, but manners go a long way.Look out for the vulnerable in society. Kids, the elderly, the disabled, even animals. These are often the ones who are abused, because the fact that they are vulnerable makes them easy targets.
I don’t anticipate that it will be an easy task teaching my son these life lessons, but parenting is a challenging undertaking. The more we can become human beings who are empathetic and self-aware, the more society can change for the better.